My
first exposure to porn didn’t have a formative effect on me (that I’m aware of), but it was kind of funny. I was probably less than 10 at the time, and we were visiting a friend of my father’s. A
single friend, to whom it did not occur that one should hide one’s
pornographic magazines when young boys are coming over. I don’t remember what magazine it was that we found, probably
Playboy or
Hustler, but I do remember that one of the photo spreads featured a brunette. I even remember that one of the photos had her bent over, looking at the camera from between her legs.
(Or maybe it
did have a formative effect on me; maybe it’s why I always found the
For Your Eyes Only 007 poster so striking, with that view of Bond between the girl’s legs...)
Anyway, the magazine didn’t have any kind of titillating effect on me. Rather the opposite: I was at an age where being naked in front of someone was to be avoided at all costs, and the idea of being naked in front of someone of the opposite sex was simply
terrifying. I felt
awful for this poor girl! Not for the reason that feminists would feel sorry for her, I had no concepts of “objectification” in my 10-year-old brain, I just assumed that she had no idea that she was being photographed. The idea of anyone
wanting to be seen naked was so foreign to me that the only “reasonable” explanation I could come up with was that someone had broken into this poor girl’s house, and, unbeknownst to her, was hiding and taking pictures of her. While she walked around the house naked. And... occasionally bent over to look between her legs in the direction of the camera.
My second exposure was similarly humorous, though this time it was only the softest of soft core porn that was involved. I was probably still around the age of 10–12 or so, old enough that I should have known better but obviously didn’t. (My education in sexual matters came late.) My neighbour was an older boy, too old for me to have been hanging around with, but for some reason I was at his house with some friends of his and they were watching one of those “teenager trying to lose his virginity” movies that were so popular in the 80’s. I have no idea what it was called, but it’s not important.
At one point some chick flashed her breasts on the screen, and my older neighbour turned and asked me whether I would
suck a girl’s boobie, given the chance. This was shocking to me, and I had no idea why he found my response so hilarious:
“What?!? Of course not! I’m not a
baby!”
So my earliest experiences with porn didn’t have much of an impact. Except that I can still look back and chuckle.
The first magazine I ever saw was a hardcore one that I was supposed to throw out for my brother. He had gotten in trouble and was in jail, he called and told me to get rid of it before our Mom saw it. I found it and curiosity got the best of me. I was probably 14 and now looking back a little older to be seeing this type of magazine.
ReplyDeleteI found it weird that my brother would ask me to throw it out and not have our Mom find it because it was bad for her but not for me?
I was fascinated by what I saw and started getting aroused and even thinking how it would feel to have someone take my picture in those positions, or to actually have a man touch me or do the things they were doing to the girls.
I think I touched myself and might have even masturbated since I was home alone.
I was confused and was thinking I was a 'bad' girl for seeing this magazine and for the effect it had on me, but then why did it feel so damn good?
With mixed emotions I took the magazine to the dumpster and took one last look and threw it in there.
E.
You used one phrase that probably sums up my entire early exposure to porn: "mixed emotions." :)
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