What Is It With the Captions on Porn Images?

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Some Things are More Important Than Masturbating

I’ve been carrying on an email correspondence with a friend who wants to get in my pants, but who hasn’t yet gotten up the courage to invite me to a hotel so that she can fuck me. (She also happens to read this blog, and there’s a slim chance she wouldn’t 100% agree with that previous sentence.) We were talking recently about the fact that the slightest misstep during sex can cause a woman to completely lose her momentum.

Reasons Porn is Better Than Sex: Real Women Don’t Have Sex on the Subway

I was on the subway a while ago, watching TV on my phone but glancing up to scope out the women getting on whenever we stopped. (Don’t think that I was just doing this because I'm a porn connoisseur, and therefore a pervert. The reality is that I was doing it because I’m a dude, and we all do this. Some of us are more subtle about it than others, but we all do it.)

Porn I Like: Erotic Fiction

Most of the porn that I write about or link to or obsess over is of a visual nature. The vast majority of porn I consume is in the form of pictures, and the next biggest category is video. (I’ve talked before about the reasons for that ratio: being married and keeping my porn consumption “under the table” means that I don’t often get a chance to consume porn with audio.)

However being observant – not to mention highly intelligent and quite sexy – you will have noticed that I’m pretty fuckin wordy. I mean sure, I sprinkle the occasional smutty picture around the blog, but I also talk a helluva lot. So you won’t be surprised to learn that I also enjoy erotic literature.

Bad Prose

I haven’t written about erotic fiction yet, have I? I really should. In fact... I will. Keep an eye out for that.

But in the meantime, you know what can kill a hot story quick? Bad writing. Even a good concept can be ruined if someone doesn’t know how to write. They say the sign of a bad writer is the use of too many adjectives, and that’s probably true, but the sign of an even worse writer is too few nouns.