Faking It

The title may not be referring to what you think it’s referring to – in fact, it might be quite the opposite. But if any post will prove that I’m not a porn insider, and have no idea what it’s like on the other side of the camera, this will be the one.

I’ve had an epiphany. Well… that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I’ve had an idea, which has become a hypothesis. The hypothesis is this: it’s possible that porn stars fake it. And no, I’m not talking about orgasms, and yes, I’m purposely being misleading to make it seem like I’m talking about orgasms. I think we all assume that pornstars fake their orgasms – well, the female ones do, anyway, the male pornstars can’t really fake a money shot – but we don’t take the time to think about how good these girls are at faking their orgasms.

Maybe you still think I’m stating the obvious, but let’s tease this out a little bit more. We’re talking about some of the worst actors in the world. Give any porn actor, male or female, the simplest of dialogue, the most straightforward lines you can think of – “Oh no! I have no money to pay for this pizza! Perhaps we can work something out?” – and it will come out stilted and wooden. It doesn’t matter how simple the scene, it will be performed badly. But as soon as the clothes come off the actors’ real talent comes into play, and as an audience member, I’m buyin it. I don’t believe her when she says she has no money for that pizza, but I definitely believe that orgasm. Those orgasms. Wow, she’s been climaxing for like 5 minutes straight! Someone get her some water, before she gets dehydrated!

I’m not saying I believe the orgasms are real. Quite the opposite, I don’t think they are. Maybe some are, but probably most are faked. But as a member of the audience – ahem, as a male member of the audience – I often can’t tell which are which. Sure, sometimes I can, there are orgasms that are clearly fake, but the majority of the time when a woman in porn purports to reach climax, it is at the very least believable. Ladies, maybe you can do a better job telling the real ones from the fake ones; maybe I’m the only one who can’t tell. But I think we can agree that pornstars are better actors when it comes to fucking than when it comes to… well, pretty much anything else.

Which led me to my hypothesis: They’re probably faking the bad acting. There’s no way these girls are such good actors when it comes to sex and such bad actors when it comes to everything else; the natural conclusion is that they’re good actors, period, and therefore are acting like bad actors when they’re given dialogue.

Maybe this is obvious to everyone else, but I’ve never given it much thought. I usually have other things on my mind when I’m watching porn...