Reasons Porn is Better Than Sex: Food Court Woman

It’s remarkable how similar this post is to a previous one. And frankly, since there’s still no actual sex in this post, these titles are getting more and more misleading as time goes by.

I was having a semi-work-related meeting with a colleague in a food court close to the office. We were sipping our iced drinks from Starbucks, talking about some personal issues and some work issues and just generally avoiding work before a long weekend. As we talked my eye wandered to an attractive woman lugging a large shoulder bag and a shopping bag in our general direction. To my surprise, she sat at a table right by us, though there were plenty of open tables around. It was sort of like this:

Kind of surprising, but whatever, we went on with our conversation. But as she’d come closer I’d realized she wasn’t just attractive, she was fucking hot, so I was happy to have her within sight.

She proceeded to pull out a laptop, plug it into the power outlet behind her, and power it on. All the while she was making noises as if she expected us to engage her in conversation, so that she could complain about something – it was obvious she was in a complaining mood – but we weren’t taking the bait.

And then she left. It took me a minute to realize it but yes, this woman had dropped off her stuff, in a food court, and then simply abandoned it in the care of two strangers.

 
A few minutes later she reappeared with two coffees, sat down for maybe two minutes, and then left again. This time she took the laptop with her (along with one of the coffees), but still left behind most of the rest of her stuff, including the AC adapter for the laptop and one of the two bags.

My colleague and I were making jokes at this point about there being a bomb in the bag or something. Eventually, it was probably around 10 minutes or so later, she finally came back yet again, packed up her stuff (still making lots of noises indicating that she would like to complain about something), and left. (Except she didn’t really leave, because my colleague said that she was still sort of hanging around somewhere behind me. The strange behaviour continued.)

Now, being a man, the whole time this woman was around I was wondering if there was a way I could abandon my colleague, get a few minutes alone with this woman, and find out what was going on. Worst case scenario: She’d complain for a while about something, I’d beg her apology, and leave. Best case scenario: steamy sex with a hot stranger in a food court bathroom.

Actually, in retrospect, the worst case scenario probably isn’t hearing her complain, it’s being murdered by a crazy lady in a food court. Not the way I want to go, know what I mean?

Now if I were to follow the path of my previous post along these lines I’d write some kind of fantasy in which the lady and I get down and dirty in a food court McDonalds or something, but unfortunately I don’t have time. The food court is on the way to my car, so I need to swing by, see if she’s still there, and hope she’s not in a murdering mood...

Postscript: “Food Court McDonalds” would make a great name for a song, and so would “Not In a Murdering Mood”