Dating Sites

As a married man, I’m limited in the online dating sites I can use: If I want to go looking for women who want to fuck, pretty much my only option is Ashley Madison.

As an aside, you might have assumed that a married man wouldn’t need a dating site; that dating is no longer necessary once one is married. After all, isn’t that the point of dating? To find someone to marry? If you’re thinking that you’re probably female, because men know that there’s another reason – perhaps the prime reason – for dating, which is to fuck. And married men like to fuck too, and don’t always need their fuck partner to be their spouse.

Which brings us back to Ashley Madison: It’s a dating site specifically created to allow married people to have adulterous relationships with each other. To be sure, there are other dating sites out there specifically designed for finding fuck buddies (as opposed to “serious” relationships), but the assumption behind all of these sites is that the people using them are single. If I go to, say, Adult Friend Finder and start hitting on women there they might get very offended when they find out that I’m married. (I was on AFF for a while, years ago, and they do provide for married people to indicate that they’re married, but that doesn’t prevent single girls from getting offended, and who can blame them.) If I go to Ashley Madison, on the other hand, the women there aren’t surprised at all to find married men – it’s the exact reason they signed up in the first place.

This being said, the reason I use Ashley Madison is that it’s the only game out there. Frankly, the site sucks. (As long as it’s the only site catering to adulterers it will continue to suck: there’s no competition, and hence no burning need to improve based on competing with anyone.) But when I want to start an affair – or just have a one-nighter with a MILF – Ashley Madison is where I go.

Which doesn’t mean the other dating sites don’t interest me. Frankly, all of the porn sites I go to have advertisements for dating sites – sex.com has its own dating service now, but they still have advertisements for other dating sites too – and they’re so good at advertising to men. All they have to do is put up a bunch of nearly pornographic pictures of women, include some kind of one-liner about how these women are desperate for my cock, and part of my brain is immediately hooked: “Well if they want my cock, who am I to deny them?” I’m seeing these ads from a porn site, meaning that my brain is already in that space, so it’s not difficult to hook me in. Sometimes the pictures are of young hotties, sometimes they’re of average-looking “real” women, I’ve even seen ads for ugly married women who are apparently desperate for sexual attention of any kind whatsoever, but the essential message is the same: These poor girls/women really want to get laid, and you can be the one to provide the orgasms they need.

Now, to be clear, I’m not an idiot. (For those of you who read the blog regularly: No, really, I swear I’m not an idiot!) I fully understand that these are ads, and that these ads are, shall we say, somewhat deceptive. If those young hotties are so desperate to fuck they can find a willing stud with much less effort than is required by these dating sites. All that time they have to spend wading through messages from horny dudes like me? That’s time they could spend with a cock in their favourite orifice. All they have to do is go to a club/bar, or a grocery store, or one of the many other places where women meet men, accept the attention of a guy, and let nature take its course. (Please use protection.)

And because I’m not an idiot I know that a lot of dating sites use fake photos in their ads – often pulled from porn – and even when they don’t they cherry pick. I remember one nefarious site that used to pull content directly from Adult Friend Finder to make it look like they had lots of young hotties signed up, and then would send fake messages to newcomers purporting to be from one of those ladies – except you can’t message her back unless you sign up for a “real” membership, which costs money – and try to lure people in that way. I know all of this. It makes logical sense, and I’ve read about some of these nefarious practices.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not tempting. I’ve written before about the fact that porn is like candy for the brain, and these dating site ads are playing directly into that.

I read a post on sex.com recently about a site called Mixxxer. It’s sort of like Adult Friend Finder in that it’s a site devoted to people who only want to fuck, none of these pesky “relationships,” and it has a great selling feature: You don’t need an app to use it from your smartphone, their website is already optimized for smartphones, which means you don’t have to worry about Apple or Google removing the app from their app stores. (The Ashley Madison mobile site is terrible, by the way. Just sayin.) That sounded like a good idea, and I went there just to see what it looked like, and was presented with a wall of “profiles” of people looking to fuck. And why did I put “profiles” in quotes? Because you should have seen these women. Well… actually, you can; here’s a screenshot:

I hate to do that, I don’t want to out these poor women, except… I am in no way assuming these are real women or real profiles. (Or men, for that matter. Ladies, look at those guys! Are you getting wet? Sign up!)

It would be nice if they were real, though, right?

I saw another site advertised from sex.com a while ago, the name of which I can’t remember, and clicked the banner ad to go check it out. Actually, let me be more precise: I clicked the banner ad accidentally (a problem I commonly find myself having on my smartphone, when the site isn’t loading as fast as I think it is and the screen suddenly jumps on me), but when I got there I was intrigued. Let me walk you through the interview process they put me through, to verify that they actually wanted me as a member:

1. First they warned me that the women I was about to see were real women from my area, so I should be discreet about it! If I see one of these girls on the street I shouldn’t go up to her and say, “Hey, I saw you on that sex dating site!” After all, she might be trying to keep her secret, wanton sex life a secret.
2. They asked me if I was over 18, or 21, or whatever age it was. (I can’t remember.)
3. They asked me if I ever had an STD.
4. They asked me if I would use protection when fucking the women I meet on the site.
5. The site spent some time carefully tabulating the results of this questionnaire and calculating my desirability factor. Finally, they decided I was “cool,” and let me sign up. At this point I stopped investigating, because I wasn’t going to give them my email address just for the sake of writing a blog post.

So discerning! If I were to join this site I could be sure that only fuck buddies of the highest quality would be awaiting me on the other end of the screen.

But frankly, if I ever wanted to go outside of Ashley Madison, I wouldn’t even need to join a dating site. I could just go to my Spam folder and look for women there. For example, this email briefly bypassed my Spam folder and found its way into my Inbox:

Hi!

Please, call me Ekaterina.

How are things with you?

I am a plain woman and I have no clue what to tell you.

It’s impossible to understand my impulse, to get why I made up my mind to write my letter to you.

If you are want this romance, please answer me.

I will be happy to fall in love with you!

Have a very good day, Ekaterina.

Poor Ekaterina. She would be happy to fall in love with me, if only I’d give her the chance! She even included a photo, which I don’t have the heart to share here. After all, if I change my mind and decide to allow her to fall in love with me I don’t want a bunch of competition!

Then again… I just noticed an email in my Spam folder from OlgaM, who also looks very attractive. I guess if things don’t work out with Ekaterina there are other fish in the sea...