I’ve had younger girlfriends too. For the most significant relationship the ratio was something like 37:23. (Yes, 23.)
It didn’t start out romantic, it was just an online flirtation. We were both sex bloggers who met through the comments, and we started talking. I assumed she was hot – I assume any woman I meet online is hot until proven otherwise – so I was quite happy to flirt with her, and pretty soon we started camming and I found out that yes, she really was hot. She found out I wasn’t into cyber and it surprised her, so the next thing we knew we were cybering, so that I could try it out. Turns out I do like cybering; I just needed the right partner. (Since then I’ve had numerous cybering partners and have enjoyed myself the majority of the time, so she was the first of many, but if I’m honest she was also the best.)
When we finally met in person the sex was even better than the cybering. This is the girl I’ve written about before, who learned with me that you can “fuck” and “make love” at the same time. I’ve mentioned her quite a bit, in fact, so despite the terrible ending to the relationship – and it was a terrible ending – there must have been some good stuff along the way. (Such as incredibly intense sex with a hot young thing, but also the, you know, emotions and stuff.)
How do all of the points raised above play into this relationship? Why did I get into a relationship with this younger woman? Well, I didn’t get into it because she was young; in fact, if I’d thought about it at all at the time I wouldn’t have gotten into it at all. She was single, she was much younger than me, we didn’t live close to each other… there were numerous reasons why I never would have pursued a relationship with her. So I didn’t pursue a relationship with her, I just flirted and had cyber with this hot girl, and then months later realized that we were in love and in the middle of a relationship I didn’t realize had even started.
Did she have that hot nubile body I was writing about above? Fucking right she did. Was I immature, and so at her same emotional/mental level? Could very well be, though at the time the other women I was chasing – there were always a number – were all my age or older. (Maybe I didn’t get as far with them because I was immature?) She was the typical 23 year old: mature, but not as mature as she thought she was. (If she were to look back now she’d probably say the same; if she were to hear it from me she’d probably call me all sorts of names for being an asshole.)
Did she allow me to get away with shit? I honestly don’t know, because for this relationship I made a concerted effort to make sure on my own that I didn’t try to get away with any bullshit. I had a wife that I loved and a girlfriend that I loved; neither was getting all of me, and I was painfully aware of it. So I made sure to never promise this girlfriend something I couldn’t deliver on. I never got her hopes up that I’d leave my wife and we’d be together forever, never let her think something was going to happen that wouldn’t happen. I don’t claim that makes me a good guy – I was having an adulterous affair with a hot young chick, I wasn’t no saint – I’m just saying that I never allowed myself to get lazy and say some of the things that would have been so easy to say in the moment. Never let myself wonder aloud what it would be like if I left my wife, even if my internal thoughts sometimes strayed that way. It’s natural to think such things, to be sure, how could you not wonder what it would be like, but it would be selfish and immature to voice such thoughts aloud to my girlfriend and let her think that it would even be a possibility. It wasn’t a possibility.
So why was I, an older man, with her, a younger woman? Well, I just sort of… fell into it. But I learned my lesson: it’s not good enough to have rules about what you will and won’t do – I won’t date single girls, I won’t date girls who are too young, I won’t fall in love, etc. – you also have to be on your guard at all times. This relationship developed so naturally and organically that I didn’t even realize it was starting until it was already mostly formed; in the future, I’d have to be on my guard when talking to women, especially younger ones and especially single ones, to make sure the same thing didn’t happen again.
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