Alternate title: Dating Sites Suck, Part 3
When I say that porn is better than sex, I’m being somewhat tongue in cheek. (If you’d like to put your tongue in my cheek please leave a comment. Also, please be female. And hot.) Obviously I prefer fucking over watching people fuck, although I have to admit that watching people fuck is a helluva lot more convenient.
I’ve written about dating sites before (and I’ll probably do so again). They have their downsides, but they also definitely have a purpose: they allow you to meet and get to know people you’d like to fuck. (Some, like eHarmony, might put the focus more on finding a “life partner” or getting married, but those aren’t the kinds of dating sites I use.)
This thing about finding a fucking partner is a great purpose, one I can get behind (do you all immediately think of doggy-style sex whenever I say “get behind”?), but as I wrote before, it’s not as easy as one might think to find a fuck buddy on one of these sites. Just because they’re members of the same site you’re a member of, and looking to find fuck buddies just like you are (unless they’re just browsing and toying with the notion), it doesn’t mean that you’re the one they want to devour. Maybe you’re too short, or too tall, or too pudgy, or too skinny. Maybe you’re too erudite, or maybe u r 2 dum 2 chat wif. Maybe, like me, you’re so wonderfully perfect that you intimidate prospective fuck slaves.
Fuck Slaves would make a good name for a rock band – or better yet a punk band – but the downside is that radio stations would probably refuse to say your name.
At the time I wrote this post I’d had a weird week, which I thought I’d share, even though it’s not related to porn at all.
It started with a return to Ashley Madison. I go back to that damn site every 6 months or so, get frustrated, and leave again. Although I loved the new homepage from the perspective of a porn lover (though not at work!), I was mentally preparing myself for more of the same: I’d browse 1,000,000 profiles, send out 1,000 messages, get responses from 10 women, lose interest in 9 of them, and the 1 woman left would message me a few times and then disappear. That’s usually the pattern.
This time it was different. I don’t know if it was the new homepage – maybe the strategy paid off and they pulled in a different class of customer – but my Inbox was slammed. Half the women I was messaging were responding. With real messages. With… like… punctuation ‘n shit! My week was starting out great!
By Tuesday things were starting to even out a bit. Some of the women had already been filtered out, and, as usual, I was down to one woman I was really interested in, through a combination of conversational skills and looks (according to her photos).
Then I woke up Wednesday morning and it all crashed down on me. The main chick I’d been interested in suddenly decided she wasn’t anymore, even going so far as to block my profile. Ouch!
That put me off, obviously. We’d been starting to build a connection, so the outright rejection hit me harder than the usual case where women simply fall off my radar. It kind of brought my ego down a bit. So I then started chatting with some new women on Thursday, which helped, but my heart (and/or cock) wasn’t in it the way it had been earlier in the week.
By Friday I was getting back on track. I’d seen a couple of new women I was interested in and we’d opened the channels of communication. I started communicating with one woman almost by accident; I hadn’t intended to start anything with her, I just saw something interesting in her profile and wanted to compliment her on it, but before I knew it interest was starting to build.
Then Friday evening I had a chat with a woman I’d mentioned earlier, and the next thing I knew things were getting [cyber]hot and [cyber]heavy – so the week ended on a very good note indeed!
And I met this woman on a porn-related site, so I guess maybe this post is slightly porn-related after all. If you sort of squint your eyes and look at it the right way.
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