Opposite of Porn Addiction in Action

I don’t normally get headaches, but I do get sometimes get a caffeine headache if I skip my morning coffee. (Or if I just have 1 instead of 2 or 3.) It’s a normal aspect of life for most coffee-addicted North Americans, including myself.

But one day recently I’d had my fix and still got a headache, so this anomalous headache was obviously not caffeine-related. I immediately came up with a hypothesis as to why this might be the case: I hadn’t masturbated in a few days – was I getting a masturbation withdrawal, similar to how I sometimes get caffeine withdrawals?

There’s an obvious way to check this: pull out some porn, masturbate, and see if the headache goes away. It definitely wouldn’t be scientific, for that I’d need to repeat the experiment a number of times, meaning I’d need to get non-caffeine-related headaches on a number of additional occasions and try masturbation again, and then have some other instances where I get non-caffeine-related headaches and not masturbate as a baseline.

But in this case I wasn’t looking for scientific proof, I just wanted to masturbate and see if my headache went away. And let’s be honest, this is a win-win kind of situation: I either masturbate and my headache goes away – hooray! – or I masturbate and it doesn’t, but I still got to masturbate. I do that quite a bit even when I don’t need a reason. (Who ever needs a reason to masturbate?)

However, before I could put my plan into action I got into a fight with my wife, and any urge to look at porn or masturbate went out the window. And that’s why I titled this post “the opposite of porn addiction in action” – I’m not so far gone that I need to masturbate even when I’m not in the mood.

I DO need my coffee, though. No fight with my wife or anyone else would negate that need.