Porn I Like: Futa

I’m going to start this post by splitting a hair, and hoping that others split this particular hair in the same way that I do: in my mind there are two types of “chicks with dicks” porn, which are 1) she-male, in which a person has both male and female genitalia (usually a dick and breasts), and 2) #futanari (or #futa for short, although Wikipedia seems to make a distinction between the two terms), in which a person is pretty predominantly female but with a cock. In some scenarios, especially in comics, a character will start out 100% female and then grow a cock.

The reason that I make this particular distinction is that she-male porn doesn’t turn me on (in my mind I sort of put it into the gay category, though I know it’s not), whereas futa does (in my mind I sort of put it into the lesbian category, though I know it’s not). Obviously this is a pretty fuzzy distinction – in both cases the characters have both male and female parts – so you could probably also say that if it turns me on I call it futa and if it doesn’t I call it she-male. That would be a bit reductionist, but not wholly incorrect either.

Porn I Like: Erotic Fiction

Most of the porn that I write about or link to or obsess over is of a visual nature. The vast majority of porn I consume is in the form of pictures, and the next biggest category is video. (I’ve talked before about the reasons for that ratio: being married and keeping my porn consumption “under the table” means that I don’t often get a chance to consume porn with audio.)

However being observant – not to mention highly intelligent and quite sexy – you will have noticed that I’m pretty fuckin wordy. I mean sure, I sprinkle the occasional smutty picture around the blog, but I also talk a helluva lot. So you won’t be surprised to learn that I also enjoy erotic literature.

Bad Prose

I haven’t written about erotic fiction yet, have I? I really should. In fact... I will. Keep an eye out for that.

But in the meantime, you know what can kill a hot story quick? Bad writing. Even a good concept can be ruined if someone doesn’t know how to write. They say the sign of a bad writer is the use of too many adjectives, and that’s probably true, but the sign of an even worse writer is too few nouns.

Porn I Dislike: Pussy Close-Ups

There are definitely types of porn that I do not like – that I dislike. One could even go so far as to say that I hate some types of porn. If I ever have any blog readers there may well be disagreements; porn which they love and have a fetish for but that I think is gross or sick or disgusting. They may think the same thing about porn that I like. All I can say to that is: I’m right, you’re wrong, get over it.

If you’ve been looking at pornographic pictures for any length of time there is a class of pose that you’re intimately familiar with (no pun intended): A sexy chick spreading her legs to give you an unobstructed view of her pussy. In extreme cases she might even be spreading her lips for you, to give you a look right inside. (She’s not actually doing it specifically for you, by the way. She doesn’t even know you. Sorry.)

My First Comment! My first com... wait.

I was very excited to open my Inbox recently and see the very first comment on the blog. My mind raced with possibilities; maybe it’s someone writing to say that my love of porn had touched them in a deep and personal way, that they were happy to know that there were kindred souls out on the internet. Maybe it was some young sexy thing who wanted to touch ME in a deep and personal way. (If you know what I’m sayin.) (Wink wink, nudge nudge.)

Porn “Fans”

Once again I’m writing a post sparked by an article I read on Slate. (The article is long but it doesn’t use many big words so you should have no trouble reading it.) (Sorry, am I getting jaded with the 140-character-or-less nature of the new internet? Anyway...)

Ancient Pornography

I come across the weirdest articles sometimes, but at least it makes me feel a bit more normal. “Been addicted to porn your whole adult life? Don’t feel bad! Folks have been groovin to porn since before the dawn of history, so you are not alone!” So it was just par for the course when I came across this article on Slate, about prehistoric porn.

Porn I Dislike: Child Porn

There are definitely types of porn that I do not like – that I dislike. One could even go so far as to say that I hate some types of porn. If I ever have any blog readers there may well be disagreements; porn which they love and have a fetish for but that I think is gross or sick or disgusting. They may think the same thing about porn that I like. All I can say to that is: I’m right, you’re wrong, get over it.

I don’t like child porn. Not exactly a surprising statement; in fact I wasn’t sure if I should bother posting this because it seemed too obvious. But then I decided that it’s probably not too obvious – which is sad – and figured I’d post it anyway. I’m not even sure what to say on this topic because anything I’d say seems so common sense. I don’t like the exploitation of children, and I think it takes a certain kind of sickness to enjoy even the thought of it. I’ve heard men try to excuse this behaviour, and I’ve heard people referring to it as “loving” children instead of “abusing” children, but I call bullshit on that. It takes a lot of intellectual dishonesty to try to make this kind of abuse seem OK, and while they’re tying their brains in knots trying to justify their sick behaviour children are paying the price.

Tactile Sensation

In a previous post I mentioned a lie I told in college. Not wanting to admit that I masturbated – it was a different time, when people weren’t so open about masturbation – I pretended like I never masturbated with a sock.

69

This is just juvenile, but I’m sharing anyway. I logged into Smutty the other day, looked at my notifications, and saw that I had the perfect number of them.

I think Smutty’s trying to tell me something. #69 anyone?

Rule 34

Rule 34 is a concept I’ve been familiar with almost as long as I’ve been on the internet, but until recently I didn’t know that it was actually a named “rule.” I’ve seen Rule 34 worded a couple of ways, but my favourite wording is:

If it’s on the internet, there is porn of it.

Food and Porn

When done right, sex is about the senses – it should satisfy all of them.

Porn Scenes We Never See: Hot & Sweaty

As the door slams behind them they are groping at and clinging to each other, kissing madly, moaning loudly. Clothes hit the ground in heaps as they lurch their way toward the bedroom, making a vain but valiant attempt to keep their bodies together at all times, even as they try to get their shirts and pants off.

Reasons Porn is Better Than Sex: Dating Sites Suck

When I say that porn is better than sex, I’m being somewhat tongue in cheek. (If you’d like to put your tongue in my cheek please leave a comment. Also, please be female. And hot.) Obviously I prefer fucking over watching people fuck, although I have to admit that watching people fuck is a helluva lot more convenient.

One way that porn is better than sex is that it’s so much easier to get. I can log onto Smutty or Fantasti and immediately be confronted with more porn than the human brain can handle. (Another exaggeration. My brain can handle a lot of porn.) If you’re not married or in a relationship getting laid is a lot more difficult. (If you are married it’s impossible.) If you’re in a relationship with a slut I guess that’s the best-case scenario, but how many of us can say that? And frankly, even if you are in a relationship with a slut, she probably enjoys porn so you might be doing both at the same time.

Uncircumcised

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Porn I Dislike: Incest

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Blackboards in Porn

When I first started this blog one of the first things I did was look for other porn-related blogs. Or, more specifically, not just blogs about porn, but blogs written by normal people who enjoy porn. Surprisingly, I didn’t find any. (Later on I found a girl on Smutty named sugarbot who used to have a blog, but she doesn’t maintain it anymore. I guess posting pictures on Smutty is a more efficient way of doing it, which makes sense to me.) There are some blogs maintained by porn producers, but I don’t find them as interesting.

I did find one blog, though, that amused me to no end: Blackboards in Porn.

As the name implies, this is a blog which specifically looks for uses of blackboards in porn, and “celebrates” porn which goes the extra mile in putting something meaningful on the board. It doesn’t seem to be actively posted to anymore, which is a shame because porn connoisseurs need more porn-related blogs, even ones that are... well, let’s face it, kind of silly.

That being said, if you know of other porn-related blogs, please pass them on. You can use the comments here. I am especially interested in ones where the bloggers write about porn and/or their love of it, but blogs that just post pictures are good too. After all, I happen to enjoy that kind of thing.

Thank You Ladies!

When I was growing up, and even into my early adult years, porn wasn’t easy to come by. You had to buy magazines or videos or go to one of those adult theatres (where the floors are probably covered in old, sticky cum). Now it’s quite easy to get porn of any type through the internet, meaning that a lot more people are consuming porn than ever before. It also means that the demographics of porn consumers are changing; people are probably consuming porn at younger ages than in times past, but more importantly (for this post) women are also viewing porn more than they have in the past.

A Quick (and Funny) Post

From Failbook:

Amen, brother. Amen.

Porn I Like: Toons

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