Masturbari Interruptus

I don’t know if my Latin is correct; if I were to guess I’d say that it’s probably not.

Let me set the scene for you:

I’m in the home office, dressed in a regular pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I worked from home today, but the working day is done and now I’m scrolling through my Smutty feed, “liking” things I like, keeping track of videos I might want to watch (and maybe post) at a future date, not really doing anything special.

OGLAF

I’ve already mentioned that I like toon-related porn (comics, cartoons, some hentai), so of course I’m following some cartoon-related hashtags on Smutty. Most of the pictures I see under those tags are just hand-drawn or computer-generated images of sexy girls, or other sexual content. In other words, it’s the same as all of the other pictures I see on Smutty, except with cartoon people instead of real ones.

Reasons Porn is Better Than Sex: Dating… Ugh!

Dating is hard, yo. I feel sorry for single people who have to do it on a regular basis.

Wait, let me amend that:

There are people who are single but who don’t want to be. They’re looking for “that special someone” they can “spend the rest of their life with,” and hoping that the dates they go on will lead to that relationship. I feel sorry for those single people. There are other single people who are quite happy being single, who date just for fun (and for sex), and I feel less sorry for them since they’re just having fun and living their lives. Enjoy your dates, single people who aren’t looking for The One!

Savita Bhabhi, and Feminism

Once again it’s time to dip into the Impenitent Porn Lover mailbag and answer some reader mail. I’ll choose a letter at random:

Dear Thinking Inside Your Box:

You write about feminism a lot, but you clearly have no qualifications to do so – and that’s good enough for me!

So tell me: do you think feminism can ever be counterproductive? And what about this whole Savita Bhabhi thing in India?

With love, A Reader Who is Clearly Not Thinking Inside Your Box, But Somebody Else

Another excellent question! My readers are clearly intelligent and articulate people, so I don’t know why I don’t do this reader mailbag thing more often. And as it happens I know about the Savita Bhabhi thing this reader is referring to. (What luck!)

A Warm Embrace in Winter

6PM. Pitch black but for the orange glow seeping out from streetlights and flashes from passing traffic. He trudges through the snow, miserable despite his best efforts.

The storefronts radiate warmth, light, and consumerism, but the displays serve only to emphasize how cold and miserable he is. 

Fucking winter.

Faking It

The title may not be referring to what you think it’s referring to – in fact, it might be quite the opposite. But if any post will prove that I’m not a porn insider, and have no idea what it’s like on the other side of the camera, this will be the one.

Condoms in Porn Revisited

A while ago I wrote about the proposed mandate in California that would make porn actors in wear condoms in LA County. One of the questions I’d asked was how that would impact the porn industry, with one potential outcome being that maybe they simply wouldn’t film porn in that county anymore.

Is Porn Art?

Before I even try to dig into this question, let me provide you with the answer that I know I’ll be coming up with at the end: I don’t know.

Now that I’ve taken the mystery out of it, let me start thinking about the topic. (No, of COURSE I didn’t think about it ahead of time! As usual I’m going to just start typing and see what happens.)

I was trying to think of things to write about for the blog and one of the partially formed ideas floating around in my head was the fact that sometimes when I’m surfing porn I come across pictures or videos that just blow me away. There are lots of sexy pictures, obviously, that’s why I spend so much time looking at them, but sometimes there are ones that are just… so much more. They don’t always, literally, take my breath away, but sometimes the combination of the perfect girl (with the perfect body), wearing the perfect outfit (or not), being captured by the perfect camera at the perfect angle in the perfect lighting… sometimes it all just comes together in a sublime way that touches me more than porn usually does.

10%

There are some statistics that bug me. Ones that people repeat, almost mindlessly, without ever stopping to think about them. Want an example? How about 10%?

Mentorship

Today we’re dipping into the Impenitent Porn Lover mailbag and answering some reader mail. Oh look, here’s a good one:

Dear Thinking Inside Your Box:

Remember when you wrote about how porn impacts our view of women? Or your post on feminism? Or that weird post you wrote about control groups and carrots? What would happen if you were to combine those together into one post?

Sincerely yours,
Thinking Inside Your Box Pretending to be a Reader

An excellent question, astute reader! It would probably look something like this:

I’ve never mentioned what type of work I do (and doubt I ever will), but it’s one of those twenty-first century jobs enabled by the computerized revolution, where people can make shitloads of money without hardly even trying and kids in their early twenties suddenly have nearly limitless expense accounts at their disposal. Not to toot my own horn, but it’s also a job I’m pretty fucking good at.

How Young is Too Young to Become a Pornstar?

Before I even begin, let me just say that I universally use the term “pornstar” for anyone who acts in porn; I don’t differentiate between the really popular actors and the lesser known ones. If you take your clothes off and/or fuck for the camera, you’re a star to me.

I’ve written before that I hate child porn, so obviously I think that a person can be too young to get into porn. But the obvious question then follows: How young is too young? What should be the cutoff age?

Racism Again: The Asian Fetish Revisited

I write about race a lot on this blog, hey? Considering the fact that I’m a middle-aged white guy living in North America, I bet there are people out there – mostly white people – who wouldn’t want me to talk about race because they don’t think I know what I’m talking about. If I were black they wouldn’t want me to talk about race because I’d be playing the “race card.” If I were South Asian, or East Asian, or black, or aboriginal, or anything other than white, they wouldn’t want me to talk about race because I’d be biased.

Multitasking

Lots of people can multitask, but I can’t. Unfortunately I don’t learn from my mistakes, so I keep making them over and over.

Delivery to the Following Recipient Failed Permanently

My sex life goes up and down. (No pun intended.) Sometimes I’m chasing half a dozen women (and letting them chase me), having sex with escorts, hunting down dates on Ashley Madison or in bars, exchanging photos with internet hotties, and just generally getting my dick wet wherever and whenever I can. Other times things are pretty slow and I’m just living my life and enjoying my job.

Juicy

I admit the fact that I’m a pervert. In fact I admit it on a regular basis, here on the blog, in writing. So there are times, in my regular, day-to-day life, when somebody says something perfectly innocent and I take it in a dirty way and inwardly smirk. Sometimes it’s just plain childish, and sometimes I’m surprised by my own perversion when I think everyone will be smiling but nobody gets the joke other than me.

Reasons Porn is Better Than Sex: Dating Sites Suck (Part 2)

When I say that porn is better than sex, I’m being somewhat tongue in cheek. (If you’d like to put your tongue in my cheek please leave a comment. Also, please be female. And hot.) Obviously I prefer fucking over watching people fuck, although I have to admit that watching people fuck is a helluva lot more convenient.

I’ve written before about the problem of ratio in dating sites: There are tons of dudes, not so many females, and it changes the nature of the game. When girls are getting a billion messages every day they start to get snowed under and have trouble paying proper attention to each one. At the same time all the attention makes them feel very wanted, so they can become choosy, looking for the “perfect man.” One can’t blame them.

Some Fun, Cheezy Porn Parodies

This one was a lot of fun to write. Well, not so much to write, but to research.

College Hookup Culture?

There was a recent New York Times article talking about the college hookup culture in America. Based on isolated cases (which they take to be representative) and misrepresented statistics, the Times writer comes to the conclusion that the college-aged youth of the US are eschewing relationships in favour of random sex with strangers, or purely physical relationships based on sex but no romantic or emotional connection. Better still (from my point of view), it’s not just white dudes doing it, but this phenomenon crosses genders and races – everyone is taking part in the new hookup culture! Especially emphasized is the fact that girls are into this hookup culture too. (This is accompanied by a bit of hand wringing about the fact that these poor, deluded girls might not be able to find husbands.)

REDACTED

There’s only one person in real life that I’ve told about this blog. I didn’t tell her the name or address of it, just that I’m writing a blog about porn. The reason I told her is that we have a shared history of nefarious blogging, so one day when she asked me if I’ll ever blog again, I told her. And yes, if you’re curious about a girl who has a history of nefarious blogging, she is hot (though she’s not my type anymore – she knows why).

The Number 23

This post is not related to porn so if you’re a purist and only come to this blog for my musings on pornography you can skip it. But one of the side effects of porn is that it tends to whet your appetite for the real thing. That is: you can only consume so much porn before you want to go and do some actual fucking. Have your own sex, instead of watching others do it for you.